Vaginal Discourse

When I started this project, I was hoping it was something that I could spent a bit of time with each day, constantly making progress. To an extent, that’s happening. Lots of people are commenting in some of the threads. While donations are down after a phenomenal opening-week surge, they’re still trickling in. Still, I feel like I should be ramping things up.

I was worried about the stress of this project. I mean, to be successful, I’d have to be talking about my junk to an awful lot of strangers. This would also mean thinking about my junk quite a bit. And of course, that’s depressing. There are essentially two endpoints on the continuum– I could give up on any hope of having surgery, and do my best to put it out of my mind. While that’s not a terribly effective strategy, I’ve found that it can work okay for me for a while. On the other end, I could be really driven to get things done! That involves optimism, at the expense of having to face the problem. Realistically, from time-to-time, I’m going to need to hang out somewhere in the middle.

Like pretty much everyone else I know, I’m stressed about everything: my finances, my friends and relatives’ finances, my job, my career, my car, my kids school, and there are tons of things I need (and often want) to be involved in: carrying for my partner and our daughter, tending to the garden, captaining a roller derby team, trying to make time to write on the blogosphere, trying to make time to write, off the blogosphere. You know, figuring out how the heck my family’s going to get by today, tomorrow, a month, year, or decade from now. It’s all very stressful. To the extent that A Cunt of One’s Own gives me hope (and a great space in which to share some writing), it’s a great thing. However, it also needs love and care.

Thus, at some point I need to start growing the blog- more specifically, increasing readership and convincing strangers to make donations. That, in itself strikes me as a bit creepy and depressing. However, it’s a function of my need to raise money. That’s just the way it is. I do think things are going swimmingly after nearly a month, but I can’t let the stress of growing the blog counteract the hope and strength it gives me. This, along with all of my other obligations is a reason I’ll likely miss the occasional stretch of days. I need time to put this in perspective. I need time to take care of myself.

So, I may occasionally go a while without posting anything. Do not take that as I sign that I have given up.

10| August 2011

It can’t get in the way of so many other, vital things in your life!

That’s rather where I am – trying to figure out how to fit so much into my day-to-day life, and trying to save for my own surgery.

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