Vaginal Discourse

[Trigger warning for anxiety]

At some point, I’m going to write a length post about both how trans*ness intersects with my mental health and how society devalues care for mental illness.

However, I’m out of Ativan, so that’s not going to happen. Instead, a pair of observations:

If you ever run out of anxiety medication, don’t wear a charm bracelet. I didn’t even know I liked charm bracelets, but my daughter picked one out for my birthday, and it’s awesome. Anyhow, as the last of my pills wore off yesterday, I started to develop the very subtle shakes that have become part of my professional and personal repertoire. With enough effort on my part, I’m typically able to keep these under the radar when I’m in public. That’s where the charm bracelet comes in.

“Is there a cat running around in the corner of your office? I’m pretty sure I just heard a cat.”

When I got home, my partner had just told our daughter that we’d be spending Friday afternoon at the fair.

“I’m going to ride a biiiiiiiiiig roller coaster with Mommy!”

“I don’t think they’ll let you on; you’re only three. Besides, Mommy is afraid of roller coasters.”

“Nooooo, silly Momma! Mommy’s not afraid of anything!”

This struck me as hilarious, until I realized that I’m a storyteller, a talking dog, and an airplane.

30| August 2011

When I ran out of Ativan and lost my prescribing physician, I was at first even more anxious, naturally. I’m not a drinker so that wouldn’t work. I thought for awhile and then hit on a possible solution: why not get some Nyquil? It has that tiny little dosage cap so I could take a capful and see if it worked. It did. This was my solution until I could manage better. But if I’d had a magic charm bracelet…

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