Vaginal Discourse

[Trigger warning for depression and anxiety]

Dear The Internet,

It’s quite possible that you’ll notice a continued drop-off in my posting here (and at Shakesville) over the next month or so. I’m not abandoning the Internet (like it would exist without me, right?) or my fundraising, but merely making a more concerted effort to deal with mental health junk.

Due to any number of personal and professional issues (most of which I suspect are familiar to most Americans these days), I’ve been having one hell of a time with anxiety this past year. The good news is that I’m on tons of drugs totes corporate-approved medications. Rather than having good years and bad years, I’m at the point where I have good days and bad days. That’s pretty sweet.

The irony here (in a literally unironic sense) is that writing is one of the ways I process things, and one of my comforts. Unfortunately, anxiety screws with my brain to the extent that I can have occasional lapses in clarity. When I’m in a bad place, it writing takes longer than it otherwise might.

The thing is, I can’t change my professional responsibilities or my obligation to my family (which I rather enjoy fulfilling, natch). If I fall behind on those scores, I just end up more depressed and anxious.

I can cut back on my hobbies. At some point, that might mean re-examining my involvement roller derby. However, I’ve made a commitment to my team, and damn it if exercise doesn’t help improve my mental health.

This leaves writing. I’d like to think that I should be able to find an hour a day to write, but that’s not necessarily healthy at the moment. Besides, having gone through a Russian literature phase once in my life, I’m pretty sure my “insights” on mental illness aren’t as exciting as I’d like to think. (Seriously Fyodor, STFU already.)

This isn’t to say that I’ll be abandoning writing until things start looking up, but rather that I’m going to pull back a little bit. Instead of writing what I need to when I have to, I’m going to write what I really need to when I really have to.


3| September 2011

You have to do what is best for you and your family. Stay strong, stay healthy.

6| September 2011

My advice: don’t quit roller derby. Besides the fact that it’s hella cool, it’s exercise and fun, two key components of feeling good. I hope things get better soon.

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